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| Losing friends |
| 07.29.04 (3:03 am) [edit] |
I found out a few days ago that a friend whom I used to be close with got married. Maybe we're not really friends anymore. One minute we were talking and joking and the next she ignored me completely. I don't really know what happened. I might have said or done something to offend her, but I really don't know. And I'm angry that I still don't know or that she wouldn't tell me. I've respected her like an elder sister and in the end it didn't mean anything to her.
There's a very high possibility that its my fault. Coz it has happened many times before. I keep losing friends...and lovers too...and get hurt in the process. And then get angry because I don't have the answers.
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| "Kleptoblogginess" |
| 07.28.04 (4:06 am) [edit] |
Thanks, Misskendy!
1. Shampoo: Dove
2. Bags: Fahrenheit, Nike
3. Tshirt: Nautica
4. Shoes: Nike Presto
5. Socks: Mizuno
6. Toothpaste: Fresh n White
7. Computer: Compaq EVO
8. Wallet: Some Italian Brand (probably local though)
9. Pencil Case: None
10: Pens: Cititel Hotel complimentary pen
11. Watch: Umbro
12. Magazines: Nat Geo
13. Chocolate: Black Forest
14. Chips: Wasabi coated chips :p
[In the Morning I AM]
Trying to sleep...
[All I Need Is]
Love, love...love is all I need...
[I Am Afraid Of]
Histories repeating...and cocroaches.
[I Dream About]
LL and nonsense.
[current Mood]
Detached
[Current Clothes]
Adax shirt, black pants, black necktie
[Current Music]
Hoobastank, The Reason
[Current Book]
Gone for Good - Mark Childress
[CD's Currently In Player]
Hoobstank, X Japan
LAST PERSON...
[you hugged]
Mom
[you kissed]
LL
[you talked to]
Chang
YOUR FAVORITE
[drinks]
Anything cold
[album]
Guns N Roses - Appetite for Destruction
[shoes]
Teva sandals
[animal]
My cat Ekk Ekk
[tv shows]
BoomTown, Scrubs, Ed, Everwood, CSI, Law & Order
[fruit]
Grapes
ARE YOU....
Understanding: I don't know
Insecure: Yup
Friendly: Sometimes
Smart: Yeah but getting dumber by the day
Moody: Highly
Childish: Most of the time
Independent: Yeah
Hardworking: Sometimes
Healthy: Very
Emotionally Stable: NO!
Difficult: Everyone tells me that
Bored Easily: Yeah
Responsible: Yeah
Trusting: Depends
Patient: Nope *agitated*
WHO DO YOU WANT...
To Kill: My old self
Actually see naked: *slurp*
WHICH IS BETTER..
Coke or Pepsi: Coke
Pink or Blue: Blue
IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY POCKET
1. Handphone
2. Coppertone lip balm
3. Car key
4. Oakley shades
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| Bugged |
| 07.27.04 (3:12 am) [edit] |
I don't know why, but lately the thought of LL has been extra bugging me day and night. I've been waking up in the middle of the night, about 2 - 3am for the past few nights, at the thought of her. And then, though groggy, I have trouble getting back to sleep. I thought that time heals? More time maybe?
Its a wonder how the mind works. Sometimes when I get so busy, my mind can just pause and my thoughts seem to auto-cruise to LL. For example, I could be playing soccer and chasing the ball and all of a sudden she would just enter my mind and then I'd just stop running and think about her for a minute and then resume the game. Or I could be in the middle of debugging a complex program and all of a sudden the screen in front don't make sense anymore, because all I could think about is her. I'm pathetic.
On a lighter note, I hope to get a digital camera pretty soon. I've been surveying around for the right camera for me - something small enough to fit inside my pocket, 4 - 5M pixels and within my budget. KonicaMinolta X50 looks cool enough. I'll then get an underwater casing so I can take pictures when I go diving later...haha...
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| No escape |
| 07.21.04 (9:22 pm) [edit] |
Sometimes it seems that no matter how hard you try to escape your past, fate always has a way of making you not forget. Or maybe this world is just too small.
Earlier this week I was placed in a project LL used to be in. Then we were still together, she used to tell me who's doing what and when and she'd also show me pictures she has taken with her digicam. And now that I am here, I get to know these people, whom I used to know only in stories and pictures.
She once commented that her project mates would get along fine with me because I'm very much like them - Chinese but English-educated. She was right...I find it very easy to mingle & talk to them, and hence made friends even on my first day.
Anyway, I'll be here for only 2 weeks before I head for Penang for my assignment at the end of the month. As far as I know, I'll be the youngest consultant in that project with the rest of the team members in their 30s . Can't wait for the project to start.
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| "Cut the foreplay and just ask, man." |
| 07.13.04 (6:10 pm) [edit] |
My favourite movie quotes...
Ethan Hawke as Vincent/Jerome in Gattaca
"Is the only way you can succeed is to see me fail?"
Brad Pitt as Vampire Louis in Interview With The Vampire
"Whatever happened to Lestat I do not know. I go on, night ever night. I feed on those who cross my path. But all my passion went with her golden hair. I'm a spirit of preternatural flesh. Detached. Unchangeable. Empty."
Julia Ormond as Susannah in Legends of The Fall
"Forever turned out to be too long, Tristan."
Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in Fight Club
"Cut the foreplay and just ask, man."
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| Good mornin'! |
| 07.13.04 (5:24 pm) [edit] |
Dusty almost spoiled my day when she sang over the radio this mornin'...
You don’t have to say you love me
Just be close at hand
You don’t have to stay forever I will understand
Believe me, believe me
I can’t help but love you
But believe me I’ll never tie you down
...but its too early in the mornin' to be melancholic... :wink:
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| O no, what's this? |
| 07.11.04 (7:10 pm) [edit] |
I'm bored. Back in the office today and the Resource Manager said that my project is gonna start next Monday. I'll leave for Penang on Sunday.
Can't get this song out of my head...
O no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I've said,
O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done...
[i]Trouble by Coldplay[/i]
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| I’m bleeding again |
| 07.09.04 (11:51 pm) [edit] |
Oh man…I’m such an overly dramatic loser. LL caught me online on Yahoo Messenger last week and messaged me. I replied (*smack head*). She told me that she was in Perth, Australia with her mom visiting her uncle. We then chatted about work and everything was casual and I was surprised that I could be so nonchalant. That night I went to bed smiling, thinking that I’m over her for good. Reality then sets in the next morning.
I found myself looking forward to talk to her again. A couple of nights later we were both online again. I messaged her first this time. She told me about her Perth trip and how she was enjoying her time there. She asked me if I had left the company and I told her how the company extended me a contract offer. She was impressed and said that I deserved it and that she’s happy for me. Among other things, she said,
LL: Its Cheryl’s birthday tomorrow. I’m going shopping for her present. You want anything?
Me: No, sokay…thanks.
LL: Can I get you something then?
Me: Nah, nevermind. Thanks.
Fcuk! I shouldn’t have allowed her to contact me in the first place. Now I find myself analyzing every word she said. Wngsonfeet was right. I should have followed the ‘No Contact Rule’. I should have let myself healed properly before talking to her again.
I told Damian about it. He shook his head and said “I don’t know what to do with you. Decide once and for all if you wanna pursue. If not then burn all bridges. Don’t confuse her and don’t confuse yourself.”
I don’t know what to do with myself either. I’m such a sentimental fool…argghhh. I keep telling myself to “Move on” and “Let it go” and “Don’t over analyse”. Damn. This break was suppose to get my mind off LL but now she haunts my every waking…and sleeping moments . Argghhh...ENOUGH! GET OVER HER YOU FOOL!
Nevermind…nevermind…w ork will commence in coupla days time. I’ll immerse myself with work and friends.
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| Words don’t come easily |
| 07.09.04 (11:50 pm) [edit] |
Tracy Chapman immortalized that line in her song “Baby Can I Hold You”.
Sorry, is all that you can’t say.
Years gone by and still words don’t come easily
Like sorry, like sorry
Forgive me, is all that you can’t say.
Years gone by and still words don’t come easily
Like forgive me, forgive me
But you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight?
Baby if I told you the right words, you’d be mine.
I love you, is all that you can’t say.
Years gone by and still words don’t come easily
Like I love you, I love you
But you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight?
Baby if I told you the right words, you’d be mine.
I love that song but I don’t get what she’s trying to say or in what context or circumstance she was singing. Why can’t he apologize or tell her that he loves her? Instead he said “Baby can I hold you tonight? Baby if I told you the right words, you’d be mine.”
Huh?
What went on in Tracy’s head when she wrote this simple yet heart-wrenching song? What was she feeling?
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| Aeris Technology |
| 07.08.04 (8:19 am) [edit] |
As a contractor, I am required to open my own company so that the company that engages in my services could avoid paying EPF(Employees Provident Fund) by paying directly to my company. So I went to Ipoh this morning to get my company...wait...'my company'...that sounds so $$$ doesn't it? :p anyways, as I was saying, I went to the company registration office in Ipoh to register a company whereby I am the sole proprietor. Now, before you could set up a company, you must first have a name for it. Well, a couple of years back, Brandon, Chang and I were into some side business and we discussed/argued/ridicule d about what we should name
our company. I don't remember their suggested names, but I was adamant about naming 'our' company Default Consulting where our motto would be "Your default choice in IT services". I thought that sounded cool but the guys were totally against it...LoL...anyways, the side business proved too time consuming for our busy schedule that we 'postponed' our business plans after only ONE project making two grand.
Ok, back to the present...I've always liked the name Aeris, not only because its my zodiac, but mainly because its the name of the heroine in Final Fantasy 7. My God, how I loved that game! I played the game in my first year in university...wow, thats over 5 years ago and still I love it. In FF7, Aeris, who is the love interest of the hero, was killed when attempting to save the planet(sounds corny but the game has one of the best storyline ever told for an RPG) I almost cried when the hero held Aeris in his arms and then let her body go into the abyss...sigh...and besides an excellent story, FF7 also has an excellent and memorable soundtrack which
still evokes memories of the happy days in university and makes my heart aches whenever I listen to it.
Ok ok...back to the present(again). The next step to register your company is to find out whether someone else has already acquired that name. They give you a form in which you must list three names. I chose
1. Aries Intelligence (because I'm doing SAP Business Intelligence...)
2. Aries Technology (because I'm doing Information Technology...and cos it sounds cool)
3. Aries Consulting (because I am in the consulting line afterall)
Anyway, the guy at the registration office said I cant use the word 'Intelligence' because it makes it sounds as though I'm opening a private investigation business and hence inappropriate since the nature of my business is software consultation. Bahhh...so I took the 2nd choice -
Aries Technology...Aries...I like the sound of that. If I have a daughter some day I wanna name her
Aries...Aries Chong...
Did 26 lapses at the pool today. Wanted to set a personal record and go 30 but was ordered to get out
by the lifeguard when it started to rain...damn, guess I'll just have to attempt it again tomorrow.
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| I am Spider-man...no more! |
| 07.03.04 (7:44 am) [edit] |
I've not written for weeks now. Not because I'm down with the Euro fever, but due to the fact that the network administrator somehow blocked the access to tblog.com...sucks big time.
The highlights of the past few weeks...
1. I have resigned from my post as a consultant. My company now engages me as a contractor in which I will be paid a 5 figure(obscene isn't it? :oops:) monthly salary for the next 12 months. After that I have the option of returning as a permanent staff again.
2. I am currently on a 10 days sabbatical before I start my stint as a contractor. Work will commence on the 12th of July. So yesterday I drove back home to my parents and I am now enjoying being pampered. My hometown is a small town where life is slow and things are cheap, and all I can do is eat and sleep...and go then go online :)
3. Trying to regain independance again. I went to watch Spiderman2 at the cinema all by myself a couple of nights back. I used to think that only losers and the dateless go to cinema alone. Hmmm...that would make me a loser then...hahaha...but no, I actually enjoyed the whole experience. Entering the cinema alone. Enjoying the show, the Coke and the popcorn alone. And then leaving the cinema alone. Ok, I think I'm overusing the word 'alone' here.
4. Speaking of Spiderman, I've always wanted to get a tattoo inked to my arm. Just that I've never actually decided on a tattoo symbol. Now I think it'd be cool if I have a spider tattoo, much like Peter Parker's spiderman logo. My dad used to be a sailor. He has a tattoo on his right arm of two birds kissing and words on top of it that say "True Love".
5. Mom bought herself a new car. A navy blue Kelisa. She's happy and can't stop talking about her car.
6. Did 20 lapses at the swimming pool today. I feel great, at least physically. Its been two months now and I still can't stop thinking about LL. But, the no contact rule still applies. I've not seen her for 7 weeks, have not heard her voice for 5 weeks and the last communication I got from her was an email a couple of weeks ago which made me feel lousy.
7. Oh ya, not forgetting Euro '04. I hope that Greece will win the championship. The giant slayers...the modern day Greek heroes. Let the Greeks inspire all of us to always strive to be best we can be.
8. Darren, my nephew, is growing at an exponential rate. Oh ya, he is exactly two months old today. I went to bro's place early this week and I watched how he fed and the burped Darren. So cute...
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