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| Shit happens |
| 06.13.04 (5:49 pm) [edit] |
Its not fair. England deserved to win. Having controlled the match for a full 90 minutes, and having played so damn well as a team, they deserved to win. A draw would have also been unfair.
"Shit happens..." I learned that line back from my university days. It seems that nowadays shits happens more often than not...well to me anyway. I realised again that no matter how hard you try to make something work, or to attain success, its not all up to you. And the disappointment is greater, when you know you've given all you've got and you've done your best.
The England vs France match had started at 3am and ended at 5am. I could barely sleep after the game. I don't know why. My insomnia episodes come and go. And in that couple hours of lousy sleep, she still had to haunt my dreams, finding new ways to hurt me again.
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| Six superheroes other than Spiderman, Batman & Superman |
| 06.11.04 (2:17 am) [edit] |
Another week has gone by. A pretty eventful week though.
I realised how enticing money could be. No wonder people say that money is the root of all evil.
I won tickets to the premier of The Punisher today. On the way back from lunch with WT, we heard that Hitz.fm Prado Cruiser was hanging out nearby so we drove there. We managed to grab a lot of free gifts and I answered a silly question to win myself those tickets. "Name me six superheroes besides Batman, Spiderman & Superman." My answer was Aquaman, Ultraman, Catwoman, Hulk...damn, its so silly I can't remember the other two. I just have to get someone to go with me.
I confessed to Damian today that I dream about LL or something relating to her every night. There was one nightmare about one of my friends teasing me about not being able to hold on to a relationship. Anyway, I'm ok now. These things don't hurt me anymore. I just tell myself its one of life's disappointments that I have to take. :)
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| Soul for sale |
| 06.09.04 (7:11 pm) [edit] |
I feel as though I'm selling my soul. Yesterday I was adamant and so sure that I would leave the company. No counter offer would be able to make me stay.
Now the company is offering me obscene amount of money to stay. Too good to refuse. Everyone says I should go for it. And I find myself swaying. Damn it.
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| My first time in church |
| 06.06.04 (10:33 pm) [edit] |
I went to a church for the first time in my life last Saturday. The Holy Spirits Church in Penang. Nice architecture...Damian says its one of the nicer cathedrals in Penang. There is a sign at the door that says "Be still and know that I am God".
I was actually there to kill time before Damian sends me to the airport. Damian is a devout Catholic and he had asked me tag along. I have not been to a church before so I figured it'd be a nice experience.
Like a small kid tagging along his older brother, I bombared Damian with endless questions.
1. Is it a sin to fall asleep in church? (I was tired :))
2. What does benidiction means?
3. Who is the Holy Spirit/Holy Ghost?
4. What is a viaticum?
5. How does one become a saint?
6. What are those fireballs on the head of those people in the paintings? (The pentecost)
Then, during mass, I thought about a lot of things. For example, the evolution of religions. How did religions evolved into what they are today. For example, in Christianity, after the birth of Christ, at what point singing became part of praying? And for the Buddhist, how did the burning of incense and papers started? For the Muslims, who told them to pray five times a day? I thought about these things while the congregration went on with their rituals.
There's always a song playing in my head most of the time. And that moment when I first stepped into the church, it was Sarah McClaclan's Angel. I don't know why. That song just repeated over and over again in my head. Weird.
Religions and theology and morals have always been interesting topics for Damian and I to talk about. Damian knows a lot of Christianity and morals. He is always there to 'strengthen my moral fibers'. Even so, I don't actually embrace any religion. I'm a Buddhist by birth, and my parents are devoted Buddhists. But I seldom pray, and I only go to the temple when I'm asked to by my parents. And when I do pray, I pray for my family, friends and even my cat. I never pray for myself anymore. I sometimes think that religions are redundant. You don't actually need a religion. Being good is enough.
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| True love is not nice |
| 06.03.04 (7:10 pm) [edit] |
When does the hurting stops? The pain is constantly there but the magnitude fluctuates. I am in control of this pain...I am almost numbed by it.
I try not the think of her but my thoughts are not mine anymore. I dream of her when I sleep and when I do, I wake up in the middle of the night. I tell myself its ok and that its over, and then try to get back to sleep again.
I am not overcome with melodrama. I am merely documenting what I am going thru. I am aware of this pain. I am enduring this pain, training myself to accept it. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Maybe next time it won't hurt anymore.
Today is the last day that I am conducting training here. I've finished my presentation slides yesterday and today the trainees are doing the exercise I gave them. And so I am free to chat and blog.
I am pretty proud of myself actually. I came in feeling I wasn't knowledgable enough to actually train someone, but now I feel pretty good. I've imparted all the knowledge I know and I think I have taught them all they need to know and in the process learn some new stuff and share with them.
This is a song I've always remembered and liked. Its from 'There's Something About Mary'. Its so true.
~True Love Is Not Nice~
Well, it hurts from the bottom
and it hurts down to your soul
that's because true love is not nice.
And it brings up hurt from when
you were five years old
that's because true love is not nice.
Oh, pain, pain, pain,
ain't that just love's name,
love can bring up hurt
from way down low.
It now be unforsized,
true love is just not cizilized.
True love is not nice,
no, no.
Well, you've been hurt before,
but now you're hurt and sore.
True love is not nice.
And if it's real love then
that hurt won't go, well,
true love is not nice.
Oh, pain, pain, pain,
rain, rain, rain,
that's why you felt loves
arrow and said, oh,
Well, you knew from your first flirt,
that love was here to hurt.
True love is not nice,
no, no.
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| Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow... |
| 06.02.04 (7:35 am) [edit] |
I have so much to say, but I don't know what to write. Guess I'm having a writer's blog now...ha-ha...lame...
Well, its now 11:07pm and I'm alone in the office. I came in to do some last minute work but the server is down. I'll just blog then.
No, not gonna talk about LL anymore.
I thought about getting a cardboard box from Ikea once I get back to KL. I'm gonna label it 'History' and then dump in all the stuff my ex-gfs have given me. The Umbro watch, aromatheraphy burner, name board, giraffe soft toy from Julie...and...the Teva slippers, Nautica beach shorts, V Day's crytal angel from LL. Gonna clean them up first and off they go into the box. No hard feelings, just that I feel like doing it. Time to move on.
Had time to reflect on my way back to the hotel. Two girlfriends in the past one year. Not that I'm a playboy...can't be one even if I try to. I think I get emotionally attached easily. Like a girl. That must be bad. Both relationships ended quite disasterously. Must be me. Must find out why before embarking on the next one. Relationships are so complex. Or did I make it complex? Maybe Damian was right. Maybe I was subconsciously sabotaging my relationships...I don't know...I don't think so.
Its 11:25pm now. Time to get back to my hotel room. Gonna be a long day tomorrow. I hate conducting trainings. Especially on topics I am not an expert in. Feels like I'm a phony.
Oh ya, spoke to EC today. I hinted that I may leave the firm. I think he got worried and with the Osram project starting in July, I think he'll try to retain me. We'll see how it goes. "One month is a long time. A lot of things can happen then.", I told him. He replied "Yeah, just don't spring any last minute surprises." Well, I've hinted to you that I might leave, so no more element of surprise there.
Hmmm...so far I've had two other bloggers who have been reading my blog quite ermmm...frequently? Thank you, wngsonfeet and misskendy for your comments and kind words. Getting your comments, however short they may be, is always something I treasure. Sometimes I feel that my life is boring and that there is nothing interesting to write about. Tonight feels like one of those times. Gotta find something interesting to do. Gotta spice up my life. Gotta meet new faces, see new places, take up new hobbies. Must stay away from relationships.
Its 11:35pm now. Time to go. Good night... *muaks*
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| I am Ryan? |
| 06.02.04 (6:48 am) [edit] |
Got this quiz from one of the recent blogs. Ok, maybe I'm a bit too old to watch a teenage drama like The O.C, but what the heck... :)
You are Ryan. You're quiet and brooding, dark and
moody. You are loyal to the people you love
and people respect you for it.
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| The Breakup Tape |
| 06.01.04 (6:39 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img31.photobucket.com/...
A very funny episode on "Everybody Loves Raymond" last night. This episode, entitled "The Breakup Tape" sees Raymond still keeping the tape of his college girlfriend who broke up with him by leaving a message on the answering machine.
When Debra found the tape, labelled 'Karen 1982', she queried Raymond on why he still kept the 'breakup tape', even after 20 years. Ray, being the 'tough' guy that he is, refused the answer and started an ex-boyfriends inquiry on Debra and set off a chain of funny events.
Anyway, towards the end Raymond finally revealed the reason. He couldn't understand why Karen broke up with him and he kept the tape hoping that one day he could decipher some hidden message in that tape. :lol:
And then he said "Why did she have to break up with me? Its like you can break off a relationship just like that." :( My heart stopped beating for a few seconds.
Sometimes I can't help but feel like I am Truman in 'The Truman Show' where everyone else is an actor and you're the lead who is being set up. And that things just happen to you so that you can react to it and entertain everyone else.
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